Why I Moved to California
Hi everyone! I have missed typing all my thoughts out on my little laptop for all of you to read! As you all know, we just MOVED! So we have been packing, unpacking and redecorating! It has been a crazy, but wonderful month! We still have so much furniture to get, but once we do, a home tour is coming!
In January, I celebrated my 5 year anniversary of my move to California! 5 years…I can’t even believe I am typing that. It seems like just yesterday that I was driving to the airport in Kansas City at 6:00 a.m. with my dad and boarding my one way flight to the Golden Coast. A question I get A LOT is “What made you want to move to California?” I never really know how to answer it because it is such a loaded question! I typically answer it with “I was a big fish in a small pond, needed something bigger!” There are so many reasons I moved here and explaining all of them just turns into a long story that nobody asks for when they ask me that question. It’s hard to explain to someone in one sentence why I decided to move my entire life from where I spent 20 years of my life. So! I will get right into it! Sorry for the longest intro ever. I have never publicly spoken about some things I will be mentioning in this story, so I am opening my whole heart.
4 1/2 years ago, I was in my junior year at Kansas State University in Manhattan, Kansas. I was entering the year with some not so good grades. School was something that I always struggled with. I did not have good grades and I was not a 4.0 student. I am more of a right brained person and I would have rather spent my school days in photography and graphic design classes - that is where I thrived. That was where I was happiest. During the Spring semester of my Sophomore year, I unfortunately went through something incredibly traumatic. I won’t spend too much time talking about it because this is supposed to be a positive post, but I went through the single worst night of my entire life. I was unfortunately taken advantage of by someone I considered a great friend and my world was flipped upside down. I stopped going to classes, I was putting partying and alcohol first to hide the pain and the darkness, I wasn’t eating or sleeping and my life just kind of fell apart. I had nightmares every time I closed my eyes. I lost myself. During the summer, I didn’t take time to heal myself. I dove into a relationship and I put way too much focus on that and my then boyfriend. When I got back to school, I was putting way too much focus into my relationship and not enough focus into myself, my friends, my health or my schooling. In the fall, that relationship came to an end and my reality hit me like a ton of bricks of what my life was. I had fallen so behind in my friendships and school that I felt like I was drowning and looking at someone else’s life. The pain from the previous Spring hit me and I was finally realizing how much I needed to heal. I knew I needed a change and I knew I needed to find myself again. During Christmas break, I made the decision to step back and take a break from college. I knew I was smarter than what my grades said and I knew I was better than that. I needed to prove myself to the world again.
My parents are originally from Southern California and moved to Kansas City when I was born. We would fly to California 2-3 times a year to visit our family that still lived there and I always thought it would be a dream to some day live there. Disneyland was my favorite place on the planet. I always felt safe there and I always felt like it was a place where I could dream and have an imagination. So! I decided to combine the two. One day during Christmas break, I decided to look at opening jobs at Disneyland. I came across a listing for auditions to be a face character at Disneyland. “This is it,” I thought. “This is what I need to do.” The audition was on January 3rd and I remember calling my dad and saying “dad, this is what I need to do.” He was so kind to book me a flight. I landed in California and stayed with my aunt and uncle. The night before the audition I couldn’t sleep. I remember thinking what would happen if I got this job, how my life would change. My dream would actually come true of being a face character at Disneyland. The next day, I was up at 5 a.m. getting ready. I curled my hair, I put my makeup on and I picked out the perfect outfit. My aunt drove me to the audition and little did I know it was going to be the longest. day. ever. But it was also the best day ever because…. I got it! I actually got the job. I’m saving my audition story for another time (is that something you guys would want to read??), so I won’t go into too much detail, but I got it! I felt like I was on top of the world. I felt like I was the luckiest girl on the planet and I knew my life was about to change.
I knew that if I just stayed home during my break from college, I wouldn’t go anywhere. That wouldn’t have done anything to solve my problems. I needed an adventure. I needed to get out of my regular routine and I needed to be by myself to figure out who I was, who I wanted to be and where I needed to be.
On January 10th, my dad and I boarded our flight and I had a one way ticket to California. As we were driving to the airport, I looked out the window as we drove by Downtown Kansas City. I thought of everything that had happened over the last year and I was so emotional. 2013 had been a very rough year and I was just so excited to be on my way to a better year and a new adventure.
Fast forward 5 years and here we are! I am living with my wonderful husband and our adorable fur babies and I am so happy. I have come such a long way from that girl who couldn’t get out of bed and who was scared shitless of what her life was going to become. Today, I am writing this as a strong woman who is proud of who she is today. It didn’t come instantly when I moved to California. I, of course, still had bumps along the way… but eventually, I found myself. I accepted myself. I healed myself. I also found love…I found my greatest love.
I’m sorry, I know that was a long and kind of heavy story! I don’t ever want to pretend that my life is a fairy tale. This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak and pain, and it is extremely healthy to talk about it. It’s good to talk about it! I hope my story inspires someone going through a hard time. I hope they know that they are never alone and they can always change your path. Sure, my life is still far from perfect and I have even more growing to do, but I am proud of the person I am right now. I am proud of myself for picking up and moving halfway across the country and starting a brand new life.
I wanted to touch on some of the major things I learned through my journey of the last 5 years…
It is okay to be by yourself for a while.
When I first moved to California, I of course didn’t yet have any friends. It was hard making friends at Disney in the beginning because mostly everyone had already had their cliques and their friend groups. I didn’t really know where I fit in or which group I was in, so I did a lot of things by myself when I first moved here. I went to movies, restaurants, shopping, etc… It was incredibly therapeutic because I didn’t feel like I needed to impress anyone. I spent so long trying to impress people at K-State the last 3 years, it felt amazing to not feel that way anymore. I eventually met some incredible friends, but I learned so much about myself by doing things alone.
You HAVE to jump outside your comfort zone.
A big thing I learned about Californians is that they are not really that shy! I had been shy my entire life, so coming to a state where people are so outgoing and speak their mind forced me to not be shy anymore. I slowly opened up more and more and became stronger for it. Although I am still a little shy when I first meet someone, now I am able to speak up for myself. I found my voice.
You will get home sick.
I was the first of my immediate family to move to California (my mom moved to California a year later and my dad moved 2 years later!), so my sisters and parents were all still in Kansas City. They would all get together for dinners and holidays and I became incredibly home sick and sad, but I never gave up. I still miss Kansas City so much and I would love to end up there some day down the road, but I needed to step away from it for a while.
You CAN change your path!
The beautiful thing about life is that you can always change it. If you don’t like a path you are headed down or if you aren’t happy - change it! I hope this story inspires someone to make a change if they are needing it. If you are reading this and you are thinking of making a huge life change - DO IT! I want this to inspire you and let you know that it is okay to change your path. It is okay to have absolutely no idea what your life will look like in a year. I am envious of the people who know who they are and who they want to be their whole life, but I have also loved the journey of finding myself.
I’m so sorry that was so long, but if you are still here reading this…. thank you. Thank you for reading my story and thank you for caring. Like I said, I want this to inspire someone. Just 1 person. If it inspires just 1 person to do what they really want to do, then my heart will be so full.
Life is too short to be doing something you’re unhappy with. Change your path and find what inspires you, what motivates you and what makes you the happiest.
Anyways… sorry that was a bit heavier than my normal posts! We are waiting on one final piece of furniture and then I cannot wait to shoot my home tour! Justin has been the most kind and wonderful husband and he has let me have full control over our aesthetic and let me just say…… it’s a little girly… oops!
I would love to hear from you guys! What inspires you? What motivates you?? Tell me by commenting below or message me here on my instagram!
One more little note… whoever is reading this, I hope you know you can always reach out to me and talk to me about anything! If you’re struggling with anything, please message me and I am happy to listen and offer any advice I can
